As I move into my thirties, I try very hard not to snark without cause; I don’t want to be that negative, I’m-over-everything jackass everybody hates. But my trying not to be snarky has the same success rate as Miley Cyrus’ not trying to be slutty, which is to say not much.
There’s a lot of historical precedent for the inability to keep your mouth shut. Roman satirist Juvenal, the ancient equivalent of Eminem, says he can’t not speak out when he sees things going wrong. (I didn’t even make up the Eminem-Juvenal equivalency, by the way, still-professor Ralph Rosen did1. Though I’d add that the Great Em gets his Hipponax on with his “stinging” references, and adds a downright Horatian flourish his latest single.)
The Chronicle of Higher Education, aka The Chronic, is the rag you’re supposed to read when you’re a professor. It’s kind of like the NYT except even more out of touch with the real world, and it brings out the absolute worst in me. I always tried to avoid it, even when I was professoring, but my friends still in the biz post these articles, and off I go…
The latest Chronic article, on the death of tenure, opts for the screamingly obvious rather than the totally delusional — an improvement, I guess? Some choice quotes:
– “some observers say that college faculties are being filled with people who may be less willing to speak their minds” (No, really? Totally scooped them on that one.)
–”we may be approaching a situation in which there will not be good, tenure-track jobs for the great majority of good people.” (Already there, bubalas.)
– “non-tenure-track instructors often lack resources, like supplies and training, that contribute to students’ success.” (They had to bring in a professor on that one, but again, really?)
Oh, and did you know that you get tenure for research and not teaching?? OMG!
I stopped reading after that point, but there are lots of neato graphs and statistics if you like that sort of thing.
Oh, Chronic, spare me the mealymouthed speculation. (How many times can we say “may” and “might” without coming to a conclusion?). By the logic of your own observations, you’re waaaay too to caught up in the game to speak your mind. If you have a sick sense of humor, this cultural Catch-22 is kind of funny: impotent handwringing guarantees that nothing changes, so there’s more handwringing, so nothing changes…How boring.
Here’s one noble truth I learned from my cross-historical studies in humor: telling the real, actual truth is funny because it’s the most unexpected thing you can do. It’s also the worst thing you can do in a work situation, especially in the uber-hesitant, let’s-not-jump-to-hasty-conclusions, hippie-dipped Academy. But this was, perhaps, my worst failing as a professor: I hate pretending. If there’s a problem, I want to talk about so we can actually address it. Since I couldn’t do it there, I left, and now I’m gonna do it here.
Which brings me back to Eminem, who has no problem speaking his mind. Listening to him got me through grad school and after reading that article, I was once again tempted to buy his new album. But for now, if the Chronic wants people with opinions, here’s a quote from an old album:
“Here’s my ten cents, my two cents is free/ A nuisance, who sent, you sent for me?”
1 “I Am Whatever You Say I Am: Satiric Program in Eminem and Juvenal” Classical and Modern Literature 22/2
See how interpretations differ? Juvenal sounds to me like Rush Limbaugh – I can’t stand him even as he’s cracking me up. Eminem is a sweet boy who rants – big difference.
You should have read the article in full. It describes a possible trend and the reactions to it. Here is an excerpt:
“Professors who talked to The Chronicle say it may go as low as 15 percent or 20 percent of all instructors, and then reach a holding pattern. “I think the financial pressures are so severe that other than the selective, wealthy liberal-arts colleges and the public and private flagship research universities, tenure is just going to be a vanishing species,” says Mr. Ehrenberg.
He is among the scholars whose research shows the decline in tenure is a bad thing for students. Such studies could create public pressure to bring back tenure, says Marc Bousquet, an associate professor of English at Santa Clara University. “I think we’re at a crossroads,” says Mr. Bousquet. “Over the past 40 years, we’ve seen a growing trend to misrecognize tenure as a kind of merit badge for research-intensive faculty.” Meanwhile, he says, “the majority of teaching-intensive faculty have been shunted out of the tenure system.” In his view, all professors should be included on the tenure track, and that’s what a report on the issue by the AAUP will call for this fall.”
You kinda did the Rush Limbaugh thing with this one, huh.
Actually, I was joking about not reading through it, for satirical effect and all. And even Prof. Bousquet is being too mealymouthed for me. And I’m sorry, but I don’t believe the AAUP is going to change a damned thing about how universities do business, for exactly the reasons I stated above.
Also, Juvenal, please, not Rush Limbaugh! Though I do agree that Eminem is a sweet boy.
Ah, Professor, I’ve clearly got some gaps in my pop-culture ed because I’m now going to have to Google Juvenal…. and while I’m at it, I’m going to purchase this contraversial Eminem record. For both of us.
Hmm, the challenge with Juvenal is finding OK translations. The best is Susanna Morton Braund’s, I think, but I don’t know if it’s online. Also, fair warning, Juvenal is pretty offensive — I shouldn’t worry if you like Eminem (thanks, btw) but I find people are often more shocked with classical authors, presumably because (to quote Amadeus) they expect them to “shit marble.”
I giggled more than I probably should have. I spent a lot of time reading the Chronic when I worked at the library, and I can confirm that it’s either out of the blue, or way behind the times for obvious stuff.
Good Lord, all those cool book covers you found and you were stuck with the Chronic? Although I suppose that’s what you should read to look serious…
Higher education is like the Crossroads used to be in World of Warcraft-always under attack. After a while, it just sort of fades into the background buzz.
The article seems to appear to be possibly correct.
Pretty brash assertion…