Worst Professor Ever

One of the best things about blogging has been finding kindred spirits: ticked-off teachers, PhDs on the lam, and humanities types tired of being underpaid and “useless.”  But, as one person recently asked me, what should we tell people they can do with humanities, overly-advanced degrees, or other highfalutin’ qualifications?  Most people panic, thinking they can’t do anything other than schoolwork, confused about how to turn general intellectual training into a non-academic job — in other words, get outta dodge.

Well, a lot depends on how you define “getting out.” If you’re a professor, teaching at a prep school is often presented as a way out — as if!  To me, teaching will always be an “academic” job, and I’m sorry to say that the minute you’re deemed a “teacher” you’re likely to suffer the same indignities (Victorian-era dress code, salary too low to cover your self-medication, etc.) as you did when you were a professor. Also, teaching your chosen subject just furthers the Cold War of intellectual isolation, separating the practitioners of various disciplines from each other, forcing them to replicate themselves like incestuous little viruses. Boo that.

There’s also editing academic journals, doing educational administration, and working for government organizations, and I grant these  jobs seem less soul-suckingly exhausting than teaching.  But they’re also in the “academic” umbrella as far as I’m concerned. Tutoring, too, is something is too connected to the past for my purposes.

When I decided I wanted out, I meant OUT. I meant that I no longer wanted anything to do with the nefarious schemes of institutionalized education. So I thought I’d talk here about the less obvious places to get away to. Of course, a leap further afield is scarier than a well-worn path. But we all know what that one poem said — you know, two roads something something traveled path something something. (Lesson one: if you want to “cross over” it’s important to understand the difference between normal-person conversation and snooty intellectual conversation. Unless you’re in an approved snooty environment, casually verbatim poetry  just makes you look like a jackass. Ditto for spouting equations.)

So, point one, I’ve put a special section in the sidebar for those thinking about getting out, or confused about how to get a job with a “useless” degree, or just confused in general. The first item on the list is Penelope Trunk’s Brazen Careerist blog. Now, I don’t agree with 100% of everything she says, but I think her job-getting attitude — ditch the crazy perfectionism, stop whining or get out, do what you need to to create stability, etc. — is a necessary kick in the butt for the brainwashed martyrs of the academic world. She also focuses on (gasp!) quality of life, a virtual taboo if you’re working in higher education.

As for actual employment,  Christotechne has chatted with me about being a paralegal, and other people I know tell me that it’s a well-paying cakewalk compared to grad school/teaching. Also, most of them got the job even without official certification — general competence and fast learning, which you already have, will get you very far indeed. PostAcademic and OnTheFence talk about freelance writing, which is another good place to go. Plus, it’s just nice to see that you’re not alone in the blogosphere.

And finally, for the brave of heart, I’ve added SheOwnsIt, ex-lawyer Adriana Gardella’s NYT blog about women running their own businesses. I’m not there yet myself, but it’s still inspirational to see a network of women entrepreneurs making it happen. Maybe someday…

In the next few posts, I thought I’d talk  about my own decision to go in a tech direction. Although the arcane specialization required by professoring makes it really easy to forget this, having an advanced degree means you’ve got the persistence  to learn pretty much anything; even if not, your willingness to slog through, say, the entire corpus of post-modern Russian literature should translate into about the same drive. So I don’t see why those serious about getting out can’t learn some genuinely new skills in a growing and profitable field.

I’ve been friends with computer and engineering types since high school, and I’ve always liked getting their perspective on things. Some people think they’re boring, I guess — but these are the kind of people who think it’s okay to argue about a two-line poetry fragment for three hours, so what do they know? There’s also the money issue; unlike those in the humanities, science and technology types have no problem asking for what they’re worth. And I’ve seen a more genuine commitment to work-life balance than I ever observed in academia. (Also, a more genuine commitment to Futurama — yes!!)

Even in grad school, I was naughtily insistent on cross-disciplinary trysts, signing up for Syntax and Semantics courses instead of yet another seminar on freaking Greek poetry — and hey, there was a cool Physics grad student who kept showing up my Classics grad courses so I knew I wasn’t the only traitor.  But when it comes time to be a proper professor, interaction with other disciplines is a thing praised but never actually done. One of the reasons I wasn’t a good professor? I deliberately sought out friends in History, Philosophy, and Sociology. But Science? Nope, like the Hatfields and McCoys, these disciplines just don’t mix.

Trés lame.

Clearly, wanting to keep learning holistic was a mark of the “undergraduate attitude” I was once accused of having in grad school. Well, if that means I’m allowed to move freely between campus buildings, be both creative and rational, do science and language, and keep up with tech developments, then yes, fine, I’ll cop to an undergraduate attitude. As one Wired article pointed out, having to explain what you’re doing to non-experts, and getting their perspective, often inspires eureka! moments in problem-solving. So what’s the point of making smart people so specialized they can’t talk about anything else?

I’m not saying tech is for everyone. I’m just saying that it’s worth thinking about.  In my momentary delusions of grandeur, my revolution would require that humanities people change the way they think about themselves and their place in normal-person life. They’d get pragmatic,  or get exactly what they deserve from their myopia. But it’s also important that science-y types realize their own limitations — and they are. Sort of. Really, really slowly. There’s a growing demand for software instructors and technical writers, people with the strong communications skills most humanities majors have. But often, the people who get these jobs were majors in “analytical” fields like Government, Econ, Poly Sci  — and even History, when it’s successfully sold itself as a social science.

So, humanities types,  it’s time to start keeping your enemies closer than your friends. Or at least close enough to pick up some PR hints.

Tags: career options, communications, computer, dodge, futurama, humanities, job hunting, job options, programming, sciene, technical writing