Okay, I guess I can’t deny it’s the holiday season any longer.
I don’t like the Xmas. Apart from being Grinchy (I know you’re all shocked) I hate schedule disruptions, and the holidays are basically one enormous excuse to for everybody to change their regular hours. I look forward to the world becoming so global that I can ignore every single holiday without denying anyone else a vacation.
Also, I’m poly-agnostic. I don’t really care what your religion is and I don’t care if you mention it in passing. I’m less sympathetic if you bug me to read your holy book. And I’ll get you back. Having taught mythology regularly for 10+ semesters, ancient Greek religion I the one I know best. You want to hear about some animal sacrifices? How about some Platonism? Atomism? Good stuff, I tell you…
Where was I? Oh, yeah, Christmas cookies. I love making cookies, so at least that’s something good about the season. Unfortunately I’m not able to stay ‘on message’. And so we have yet another incident of history-related weirdness.
I was fooling around with the cookie cutters and the Xmas stockings kinda reminded me of Hermes (messenger of the gods) and his spiffy winged boots. Then I got to thinking about how to explain Santa to the ancient Greeks. This is an exercise I used to do with my class, imagining that you’d teleported an ancient author to the modern world a la Bill and Ted. You bet you’d have a lot of ‘splaining to do: ‘Where are the slaves? Why are women voting? Shouldn’t they be attending to your childbearing, erotic, and domestic duties? Wait, you think you’re going to get all those from one marriage? ROFL!’
If we need an ancient equivalent of Santa, Hermes is definitely the best person for the job. Incredible speed, messenger experience, used to delivering all sorts of bad news so this would be a nice little break for him. Although the ancients would be pretty skeptical that the gods would be kind enough to randomly throw presents at people. And he’s kinda skinny compared to Saint Nick.
This is an ancient Greek representation of Hermes, courtesy of theoi.com, which is nice little site for mythology. It's a step up from Wikipedia, anyway.
Long story short, I made some cookies incorporating Hermes iconography. I decided against making any Herms since they’re more appropriate for bachelorette parties than Xmas. (Though did anyone else see those Kama Sutra cookie cutters in Jezebel’s crafters’ gift guide yesterday? Hilarious!)
(Note: these photos are not the great ones you’re become accustomed to because Dr. $hiraz isn’t with me. I wish she were; it would have been more fun to do this demented craft project with her!)
Hermes' winged boot makes a fancy-ass stocking.
Hermes' winged cap. I figure this would stand in for the iconic Santa hat.
Because I was cutting out wings, I just started sticking them on other cookies as well, and that’s when it got truly free-form. Sadly, this was also related to my years of teaching mythology; the Greeks had a particular fascination with making monsters by sticking different animals together…so I’ve made a Scottie Sphinx, I suppose, and a dragonfly horse just because. (Freakin’ Hesiod. It’s not like the Theogony is fun to read, but it is an important source for mythology.) The Black-Swan-inspired stocking, I can’t really explain, it just happened.
Yes, I admit these are weird.
As I’ve told many people, I’d welcome Sunshine of the Eternal Mind technology. I really wish my brain weren’t littered with so much information deemed useless by the world at large. But for now it’s there, messing up my Christmas cookies and general outlook. What can you do? And if Mark Niemann can do it…
For a quick second there I mistook Hermes for “Herpes for the Holidays”. I blame it on the egg nog. However, regardless of Xmas or not, those cookies look delicious. Now I want to make my own batch of Medusa themed cookies. Thanks for sharing!
Medusa would be fun, and snakes would be easy to stick on! I can imagine lovely blues and greens…and happy to share!
Hold on while I collect myself here. This…post…is…brilliant! I’ve done a lot of things for a story, but I have never combined mythology and baking.
1. You described yourself as a Grinchy, poly-agnostic. I’m pretty sure you’re the first person to ever do that. At least from Arkansas.
2. You referenced Bill and Ted AND Eternal Sunshine. A tear comes to my eye. I’m so proud of you.
3. The cookie part is some of the finest blogging I’ver ever seen. The Black Swan inspired cookie just kind of happened. Freaking Hesiod.
I’m probably gonna show this to some of my students if I can find any who get it. Love it!
Aw, shucks, I appreciate it. And tell your students too look up what they don’t get, it’s all on Wikipedia.
Also, now that you’ve made that Christmas video I think we all know how far you’re willing to go for a post
So I appreciate it doubly.
[...] A little Greek grinchiness from Christmas-hater Worst Prof [...]
http://gizmodo.com/5711752/this-weeks-top-web-comedy-video-honest-grad-school-ad
u will love this ad…
This will show you the world in which I’m currently residing…I read “Hermes” as “Hermie” — the dentist from the old Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer video. Yeah, I need to get out.
I agree that the cookies are brilliant — hope you went to an exchange with those babies
That misread was entirely in the holiday spirit! But yes, get out, see the bright world. As for the cookies, I am currently trying to make them into ornaments…we’ll see how that goes!