It snowed in Austin today, and now I’m confused about where I am.
Conflicted Southerners, ha! William Faulkner can bite me, what about all the conflicted Midwesterners?
Granted, I’m from Michigan (Motto: ‘Midwestern But Meaner’). Our accent is officially Northern and we’ve got Detroit, a city that will literally kill you. (FYI rest of nation, we are not amused by your obsession with ‘hauntingly beautiful’ ruin porn. If you live near it, it’s not so much haunting as damned depressing.)
Michigan has produced Eminem, Madonna, and Iggy Pop; cult favorite Bruce Campbell and his now-big-shot-director Sam Raimi; hottie McHotterson Selma Blair; funny persons Kristen Bell, Dax Shepard, and David Alan Grier; and J.K. Simmons, who’s Michigan in a nutshell, right down his nasal Midwestern ‘ah’. There are a lot more, too, Here’s a list.
I’m not really sure who gets to define the Midwest. If you take it as flyover country (which most people do) it’s actually more like mid-North. In Hollywood’s mind, the Midwest exists only as Chicago (at least until Cedar Rapids comes out next Friday) and indicates that characters should wear flannel and/or pastels – EPIC fail in character study, that.
Hollywood's grasp of American geography.
The Coen brothers and Al Franken are from Minnesota (‘Stop Making Fun of Our Vowels’); The Zucker brothers, of Airplane fame, are from Wisconsin (‘Mottos Are Show-Off-y’). Ashton Kutcher is from Iowa (‘Corn Fed and Bathed Us’); Illinois (‘Flattest of the Flat’) has Vince Vaughn and Bill Murray. Kansas (‘Please Don’t Make a Wizard of Oz Reference’) begat Rob Riggle and Paul Rudd, Missouri (‘It’s “-ah”!’) nurtured Tennessee Williams during his formative years. And no less a man than Johnny Carson was — famously — from Nebraska (‘We Have Haute Cuisine Here Too’).
(I’m just free associating here and my biases are obvious, feel free to add your favorite states or people to the list.)
Of course, as someone once pointed out to me, all these people had to leave to become famous — but see, that’s where the conflicted part comes in. Ambition is not exactly a Midwestern value. So you leave, you find yourself surrounded by flaky-ass, narcissistic artistes (or academics) with not a whit of self-reliance. But since you’re polite enough not to say that and stoic enough not to complain and persistent enough to keep going, your odds of success are pretty good.
Incidentally, being Midwestern can be a state of mind and not a geographical location. I know Midwesterners who hail from Connecticut, Memphis, and New York City.
Here’s how to identify a Midwesterner: if you arrange to meet them somewhere at a predetermined time, they will actually show up. There will be no random flaking out. There will be no excuses. To quote a friend from Michigan: ‘you might be drunk, but you’ll be there.’ Of course, this tendency to be prompt and reliable just gets you taken advantage of by unsavory characters. So you have to start taking steps to preserve your sanity, like faking some flakiness, and this makes you further conflicted. And hopefully that creates great Art or something.
So unless you’re as reliable and stoic, you don’t get to make fun of flat plains, flat vowels, or overly polite reliability. And you sure don’t get to tell me that the South has a monopoly on creating tortured artists. So c’mon, Great Books curricula designers — where’s our representation?
I’m sure you’re going to do it anyway, so go ahead and tell me who/what I missed…and if you’re feeling really clever you could come up with more state mottos.
Love the map, WoPro! As a lifelong Midwesterner, I think you’ve accurately described our position in life. To be reliable. And drunk.
Exactly — why can’t they understand it’s possible to do both??
Well, you’ve summed up my whole graduate school experience, here.
Do you know a fellow graduate student once scoffed at me for railing against our advisor, who left me standing in the hall waiting for his ass for over and hour. Advisor never showed because, and I quote, “something came up”–where “something” = I ran into someone I’d rather talk to and we had beers. The grad student sneered at me for not having a cellphone with me–I didn’t own one at the time, see: graduate student stipend–because how else is flaky advisor supposed to blow me off?
I mean, if I’d had a cellphone, I would only have waited a few minutes before he called to cancel. Which….really? If I can just unpack this, you’re saying it’s okay that I made an appointment with him and he didn’t show up and moreover my complaining about it reflects poorly on me because I don’t own a cellphone therefore making his lack of responsibility more apparent because I stood there dutifully for an hour?
One of us is a Midwesterner, here, and the rest of you are asshats.
OMG, don’t even get me started on the rampant narcissism of academia. The constant ‘something came up’ GRRRRRRR.
And the time thing….true story:
There was once a prof who ran a grad seminar that was slated for three hours. Said prof always held the class over, by we’re talking a half hour. And it was a 3-6 Thursday class. Three freaking hours wasn’t enough, and everybody was miserable anyway and you’re going to force me to stay?? I don’t think so.
I was so outraged by this lack of respect for everyone’s time that I left, promptly, at 6 pm every time. I was the only one, and thereby earned the professor’s undying hatred for my entire career. But it was the principle of thing. I mean, schedules, people, they’re there for a reason.
I’ve heard about professors like this. I am glad I managed to avoid them. Some people (bosses, profs, whatever) are either a) so insecure they need to prove their power or b) such dingbats that they can’t handle time management. I sure as heck figure the reason for keeping everyone late isn’t c) they’re so enthralled by the material that they’ve lost all track of time.
Stuff does indeed happen, but the whole point of being on time is so you can be prepared in case REAL problems come up. Otherwise, all you wind up with is an avalanche of errors.
Good for you for getting up and leaving. I wish everyone else had done so, too. You followed the “No Asshole Rule” to the letter.
Ha, I got an A in “No Asshole” if not in the class. The sad thing is I later learned said prof was doing this in part b/c they had once had a seminar where the class did stay late, willingly, because everyone was so enthralled by the material. But a) you can’t replicate the experience just by following the superficial form and b) I strongly suspect alcohol was involved in that seminar of yore.
Having lived in California, I agree that this is an accurate and sad map of what SoCal thinks of the rest of the country, even though many, if not most people in SoCal hail from elsewhere.
Then again, really CA specific movies, like LA Story and Anchorman, are a lot funnier when you actually have lived there and watched local news. Wow.
I could go through all the polite, hard-working socialists from Canada who come down here and do good (like me!), but I’m not sure how happy everyone is about Celine Dion (in her defense, Quebec doesn’t consider itself a part of Canada, and for the rest of Canada, if it means that we can disassociate ourselves from Celine and her creepy husband, then that’s just fine). James Cameron, though, that’s all Canada right there.
I wrote a fairly serious post about why I can get away with being who I am because I am Canadian (it’s amazing how much that forgives!). Maybe a funnier one is in order…
One more story, specifically about Michigan. We have a friend who did his undergrad in Michigan. When he found out we were from Canada, he asks: “Have you guys ever been to Windsor? That place is AWESOME!” My husband and I almost fell over laughing. Windsor, for a Canadian, is NOT awesome; it is one of Canada’s armpits (the other being Sudburry, or maybe Cornwall). I think it’s funny that for frat boys from Michigan, it’s heaven on earth because of the lower drinking age and more liberal laws about strippers.
I agree, knowing anything about LA (which I actually like more than I care to admit) helps you appreciate the movies — but so too would understanding other cultures and cities, no? So why not extend the courtesy?
Hahahaha, I should have mentioned I’m from SE Michigan so I know all about Windsor and its siren call to frat boys. You wacky Canadian expatriates…you should write about it, people should appreciate the Canadian effort to help
Johnny Carson was born in Iowa; also John Wayne and Ronald Reagan grew up here. Donna Reed. Norman Borlaug was an Iowan. Um. Bill Bryson grew up here. Um… I’m sure there are more.
Here’s my take on Iowan politeness (for which I’ve been criticized MANY more times than necessary.) (As in “Why the fuck are you so fucking polite???)
Why? Because no place in Iowa, even the center of the state’s largest city, is more than a 15 minute drive from deep rural landscape. Ya know, where the sky is large. Which means that we’re constantly reminded that it’s a big ol’ world and we’re most emphatically NOT the center of this or any other universe. So: we’re also aware of and respectful toward, others.
>>“Why the fuck are you so fucking polite???”
ROFL, that’s exactly right, people think you’re doing it to mess with them. Or they just take it as an excuse to go on interminably…that respect and awareness just seems to invite it. I’ll report back on Cedar Rapids, perhaps Iowa will get some of the Hollywood ‘love’ that Minnesota has!
Another thing about Midwesterners that I noticed and admired during my four years in Iowa and during time spent with my Dad’s family (from IA and SD): sensible shoes. They last for years, and if you have a black pair, a brown pair, and some sneakers, you’re set. Though on my mom’s side I’m a 6th-gen Californian (recently relocated to Idaho), I definitely have Midwestern tendencies: punctuality, sensible shoes, an appreciation for well-paved rural roads free of tractors. I do wish the rest of the country would do a better job of noting the cultural and political differences among states in the region. For example, Iowa is very much Not Kansas.
Damn straight. Though I don’t suppose people would like the word ‘diversity’ being applied to what is historically pretty white…there’s something to be said for it. And a person always needs at least one pair of sensible shoes, even among a collection of cute ones!
Oh, I’ve worn nothing but sensible shoes my entire life and as a result, at the age of 57, I have FABULOUS feet. Fabulous. Only thing wrong with my everyday SS is that they’re clogs (Dansko) and they’re useless when racing from one airport terminal to another. Otherwise? Fabbolicious.
I went to grad school in the Midwest, and my mental map of the U.S. east of the Rockies now has a line, much like the European “butter/olive oil” line, that is the “IHOP/Waffle House line.” Appropriately enough to its Civil War history, Kansas has both.
So does Texas, thankfully! Good to have choices…
I concur. I was born and raised and Michigan and lived in Chicago for seven years where I completed my Ph.D. while working full time. I moved to San Francisco four years ago and still have not adapted to the flakiness. I fantasize about moving back to Chicago (after having somehow convinced my native Californian husband to come with me), and am glad I didn’t sell my condo.
In San Francisco, “Early bird” parking on some blocks means “before 11 AM.” The only public transit that has a meaningful time table is Cal-Train; I’m not sure why BART and MUNI bother making them. The times posted on invitations do not mean the time something actually begins, but simply state the absolute earliest time you should arrive. It is not at all uncommon for us to be invited to a perfectly nice person’s house, arrive an hour later than the time stated on the invitation, and be the first people there, entering a home entirely unprepared for a party (nothing is ready, the host still in pajamas). It is socially acceptable to cancel anything at the last minute, no matter if tickets have already been purchased by someone else or a large table reserved for a certain number of people. Excuses offered for such rudeness include statements like “We don’t know what time we’re going to get on the road from San Jose tomorrow.” How about you… decide? And then follow through?
Restaurant reservations are all but meaningless (save for one 100% French owned and run bistro, in which the table is yours for the night). We have made reservations at almost every one to four-star place you can name only to arrive and be told that “our table” (the nerve) will be ready in 30-40 minutes.
People appear focused on entirely the wrong things. In our neighborhood, for example, the local homeowners are obsessed with “traffic calming measures” but speak not a word about the feces (really) smeared all over our street from animals and homeless people, or the violently schizophrenic people who occasionally attack us on our porch steps. We are renters, but these are people who own $1.7-$3 million homes and seem to have no issue with feces being smeared all over the sidewalks in front of them.
Someday I’ll get back to the Midwest. *clicks ruby slippers*
I sympathize with your distress over people’s inability to plan ahead because their aura just isn’t in a ‘schedule kind of place right now’ as well your despair over their misplaced priorities. I wish you best of luck on your journey back!
ahh, making me miss the bay where even the squares are askew
Ah, you’re one of the Bay People. I have met your kind before. Myself, I am content to hear about it from Journey even despite their SoCal ignorance: there is no South Detroit!
Interesting, grew up in NY, went to school in the Midwest, have a job in the South. The New Yorkers I grew up with are always on time and polite in their own rushed way! So I felt at home in the upper Midwest, especially Chicago. In fact I want to go back and live there and plan to do so, hopefully, soon. I guess I am one of those New York Midwesternes. The South…hmmm, on time is interpreted differently, and politness, well sickly sweet, you know the kind of nice that makes your teeth hurt. Not my cup of tea. Prefer it with no sugar.
…and the Southern tendency to go for honeyed venom is not exactly thrilling, either! If you’re going to be passive-aggressive, I’d prefer it through clenched teeth. Tese are the people I mean, mostly, the ones who move somewhere Midwestern and adopt it. So yes, sounds like you’re one of them, and here’s hoping you get to move back!
[...] new favorite blogger, apparently hailing from nearby Austin, esteems the ruggedness of Midwesterners but notes that one must flee that wretched place to do anything [...]
As a fellow midwesterner, I appreciate your analysis. I moved from my midwestern birth-state to a rural area in Vermont and what has always amused me is that the qualities that rural Vermonters claim that I (as a midwestern flatlander) don’t have are exactly the qualities that midwesterners have (in my experience) generally had (punctuality, responsibility, neighbourliness, etc.) Also I lived in the Rockies, so calling me a flatlander is just wrong.
Reminds me of something Chelsea Handler says, viz. that when people tell you they are X thing (i.e. ‘I’m the kind of person who really values friendship!’) they are pretty much bound to be the complete opposite of that thing. Seems it’s geographically true, too! And no, not all of the Midwest is flat!
Love the post, although I’m not sure I agree entirely with your map. As a native Minnesotan now marooned on the East Coast, I’ve never been comfortable with thinking of anyplace that’s on Eastern Time (e.g., Michigan or Ohio) as being part of the Midwest. A crucial part of Midwestern-ness seems to be a conscious separation–both mental and geographic–from the centers of population and power in the East.
I’ve always thought about it this way: the core identity of the Midwest is agricultural; that of the East is commercial/industrial; and that of the West is extractive (and I consider cattle ranching to be extractive, whereas dairy farming is agricultural, which I realize is probably bullshit). So industrial cities like Detroit, Cleveland, Akron, etc., aren’t really the Midwest, and places like eastern Montana and Colorado that, despite their flatness, rely more on ranching than farming, aren’t really Midwestern either.
The one thing that keeps me sane in New England (home to the absolute rudest people on earth) is that I’ve fallen in with a group of expatriate Midwesterners, all of whom understand why the Minnesota State Fair is awesome.
(And if you want famous Minnesotans: Bob Dylan, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Charles Schultz, Judy Garland. Oh, and Prince. Most definitely, Prince.)
And it’s not “your” map, of course–it’s Hollywood’s, as you note. So I disagree with Hollywood. Which, as usual, gets me nowhere.
Yes, this is why I’ve turned to pop culture analysis over anything academic, it holds far more sway than anything else…in that same realm, I think trying to formulate a single ‘core identity’ on agricultural grounds might be overthinking it a bit! I know plenty of Rust Belt folk who identify as Midwestern, and I wouldn’t argue with them;
the East Coast thing is pretty darned tied to the actual coasts, in my experience. I’ve never been but I’ve heard awesome things about the Minnesota State Fair and its appreciation for all things fried. But thanks for reading, and not hiding the Midwestern!
You must go to the Minnesota State Fair–it’s a very easy 20-hour drive up I-35 from Austin. The Texas fair draws more people, I think, but it’s not the same all-consuming statewide experience (I’m a fellow UT alum). The fried cheese curds are reason enough to go. I used to look forward more to the Fair than to Christmas as a kid.
That’s where we differ: I also know a lot of Rust Belt folks who identify as Midwestern, but I just tell them they’re wrong (which may be a sign I’ve been on the East Coast too long). Pittsburgh is many wonderful things, but I don’t think that Midwestern is one of them.
The Iowa State Fair is also worth a trip. I’ve been to both and can’t say that I prefer one to the other. But like the MN State Fair, the IA state fair really is for and by people from all over the state. Whichever one you go to, try the pork chop on a stick. Both are highly recommended.
I’m originally a Southerner, and much prefer the hospitality and openness of the midwesterners to the “bless your hearts” of the South. The focus of the hospitality there can often be very self-regarding, IMO. Southern culture, in my experience, is far more normative and less tolerant of difference than Midwestern culture.
Agreed. Both Southerners and Midwesterners are polite, but in different ways. And I think there’s a bit more of a libertarian streak in the Midwest, as in, ‘I don’t agree with your choices, but it’s not my life.’
Pork chop on a stick, mmmmmmmm.
No, I agree that Pittsburgh isn’t Midwestern, it’s basically the western edge of coastal!
I’ll make it to that fair someday, don’t you worry. The allure of fried stuff on a stick is too strong to resist….
F. Scott Fitzgerald is my favorite Midwesterner – well, he and all the characters from The Great Gatsby. I’m definitely a Northeasterner, though, and wouldn’t want to be anything else. Although I do show up for stuff on-time.
FSF definitely has the conflicted Midwesterner thing down, it will be interesting to see what Hollywood does with that! Especially since I think the cast will be mostly English. And the Northeast is far better at promptness than the West Coast, or at least SoCal.
This map of the country from the SoCal perspective is absolutely right on. I can tell you that I grew up wondering how people fared in other cities, because they must be so far from airports and things — how do they manage? Now, I’m totally embarrassed about where I was born and raised. Luckily, people in the Midwest — including a great friend from Michigan, which I do NOT consider part of the Midwest because it is in the Eastern time zone and is nowhere near the “gateway to the West” — can never remember that I’m from there, which I take as a pretty damn fine compliment (though I am always late).
I can only add that people in the SF Bay Area look way down their noses at SoCal, especially LA, and only then can even imagine the rest of the country. As a Midwestern prof I once had said about SF people: “they’re very provincial.” (No disrespect to those living in the Bay Area; I lived there and enjoyed it mostly, though once I moved to the midwest and realized how much I had been gouged for an apartment, I really never looked back.)
I’ve been reading some blogs lately talking about how they wish they could move to SoCal, especially LA, and I want to scream. I know that hellhole well, my friends. It is a pit. A swirling pit. It’s a part of the mystique of such a hell that they’ve managed to convince so many people that it’s heaven on earth. Live in the Midwest and like it? Good. Don’t tell anyone or we’ll have all the Hollywood actors out in our backyards trying to buy it up like, alas, Montana.
Sigh. Look, you can’t argue with people about their identities, and I’m telling you know I know scads of MI people who do identify as Midwestern. Though I agree entirely about the SF people — and OMG, the Berkeley folk, every sentence starts with ‘Oh, Berkeley just has the best restaurants/bookstores/scenery…’ Your prof is right, it’s being provincial under the guise of being discerning.
Alas, you make this Yankee Northeastern girl who spent a decade loving Louisiana at least want to come and visit the Midwest. Alas, it is a part of the country I seem to have skipped. I do love Margie from Fargo. I think she was in South Dakota. Sigh. Good people. Well, Margie was. Everyone else was pretty rotten.
It all depends what you’re looking for. Not sure the Midwest would be everyone’s dream vacation, though even if you’re a city person Minneaoplis and Chicago are pretty awesome. And there are a few movies that get it right, mostly because actual Midwesterners are involved — as in Fargo!
Born & raised in MI, and have been “in Chicago” for 16…there is a comfort to meeting others from MI–NORMAL people. (Please, I’m not trying to start a storm…the familiarity and “normalcy” from childhood is what I’m talking about.) People who wear shoes that suit the occasion, which usually means SENSIBLE; cover their cleavage in the winter time (ok, pretty much ALL the time unless they are at the pool); are on time for EVERYTHING, help when a neighbor needs it….I’m with Leslie: when we leave MI, we like paved roads WITHOUT tractors on them…and yet when I venture “west of Chicago,” there is something strangely nostalgic about driving rolling country hills and having to pass an occasional tractor. Probably because I don’t have to do it regularly anymore.
The Midwest, in general, represents an honesty and forthrightness that you won’t find as a “native trait” in the larger coastal cities. We still think it’s hip to be square.
I agree that the definition of Midwestern is more about a shared culture than a place (obviously) and I totally get what you’re about familiarity being comforting. Even though I chose to move to Austin…again, the conflict, it’s always the conflict!
Having lived in four times zones in ten states (mostly by choice), I can honestly say that the thing I miss the most about the Midwest (specifially Michigan, new motto: “Want a beer?” and Wisconsin, new motto: “That *is* a mountain”) is the throngs of vaguely Germanic men to ogle. I’m pretty sure my husband relocated us to New Mexico (new motto: “That’s the way we’ve always done it”) based on the throngs of Latinas, for much the same reason. I’m also simply nostalgic for my home state of Pennsylvania (new motto: “If you don’t like sports, FAKE IT”), especially the sublimely unhealthy regional foods. I’m-a have to break down, renege on my dietary restrictions, and make some pepperoni rolls.
Vaguely Germanic — you sure they’re not Polski boys? ‘Cause in my experience those are some strapping, ogle-worthy young men and you find a lot of ‘em in the Chicago-Detroit-Cleveland belt.
I have had pepperoni rolls, but not in PA. There I have only sampled the legendary cheesesteak, and it was all it was all it was cracked up to be.
[...] quite find a way of working into my piece, but find interesting and funny nonetheless: “Go Midwest, Young Man. Then Leave” [...]
Oh man, I love all the opinions this post brought out… it really is true that the “something came up” mentality comes from indecisiveness… like, a really conscious effort to be indecisive. It’s nuts. I think that CA might be the only place where that’s really standard. It’s standard among younger people (and the “young at heart”) but in NY, it seems pretty expected that your estimated start time will be accurate, give or take a half hour.
The “rust belt” vs. “midwest” discussion is interesting. As far as I’m concerned, since the whole massive industrial decline thing, the Midwest has swallowed the Rust Belt. Except for Pittsburgh, which, if we don’t count Appalachia as a separate region, is basically the South.
Yeah, I think there’s more in common than different between the Rust Belt and the Midwest…though, as I mentioned above, you do get a different ethnic mix to start with. And oh, how the ‘something came up’ mentality has infected the youth of today, which is why they think that time management is the equivalent of never committing to anything until the last minute. Yeah, not quite.
[...] Ever has been hating on the Social Scientists, but this post on why Midwesterners are so awesome is just the truth. Midwestern culture saturates Grumpy Rumblings. We may even ask 3 times if you’re sure [...]