Happy April Fools’ Day, one and all! I’m not much of a prank person myself, but it’s the perfect time to announce my upcoming event, which will cover the philosophy of jokes. Check out the Events page for more info.
In honor of the day and event, I’ll tell you story that I think is funny. Now, given my background in humor theory, I’m predicting that not all of you will find it funny, but here goes anyway:
Recently I was chatting with an author. Let’s call him Big Shot Author, as he’s well-know-ish and definitely got attitude to spare (I don’t think he’d deny this). He feels that higher ed is a racket but was still very curious to know what the difference in titles (e.g. Lecturer vs. Assistant Professor) meant and how it all worked, salary-wise. Hence the following conversation:
Big Shot Author: So, how much did you make as a prof?
Me: [Number.]
Big Shot Author: (with the snort of disbelief I’ve come to expect) Really? Did they give you a housing benefit or something?
Me: Nope.
Big Shot Author: Some college wanted me to teach a creative writing course for them a while back. When I asked how much they would pay me, they said 5k. I guess I could live on campus, but whatever — my speaking fee is 20k. I told them they couldn’t even get me on the phone for 5k.
Now, I thought this was hilarious. Granted, I’m a smartass and enjoy hearing stories of an anti-authoritarian nature; also, I have had this thought (viz. that teachers should be paid on the level of public speakers) before. So I sincerely hope Big Shot Author’s exact words were repeated to every Dean and Provost involved, just as a reminder of how the Ivory Tower’s pay scale appears to those on the outside.
Now, if you didn’t think that story was funny, there are a variety of theoretical explanations for why, and it would be tedious to list them all. Suffice to say that if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that you can’t argue funny (or offensive), so I’m all for agreeing to disagree — it’s Friday, after all, and I bet we can agree on this proposition: happy hour can’t come soon enough. Who’s with me?
Bare bones discussion question: Funny? Not? Explain.
Um. Mildly amusing, I’d say. Mostly a reminder to ask for more money if you’re in any position to do so. And/or not to take a job if it doesn’t pay a worthwhile amount. When’s happy hour, again? Can I have a kamikaze yet?
Oh, and as long as we’re talking funny stories – I have an account on the Chronicle of Higher Education’s website because sometimes I read the articles, and I’m the kind of person who always wants to comment on articles. I made a comment the other day in which I identified myself as an undergraduate, and already I have people claiming that I must be an impostor. Academics suck.
Agreed, academics suck. And did you know that there’s actually a debate in humor theory circles about whether or not amusement is a separate mental state than humor?? You’re spot-on with the drink suggestion…
I see your story (funny in a wrist-slittingly sort of way), and I raise you this, from a Tweet (http://twitter.com/#!/girlwonderful/status/53781231371948032)
“Rutgers U paid Snooki $32K to speak. They are paying Toni Morrison to address their graduates $30K. What’s wrong with this picture?”
Funny or not?
(PS – He’s lucky they were offering $5K for the class. $5k is living the dream for an adjunct! And I agree with you. I think that adjuncts should think of themselves (and be treated/treat themselves) more like freelance writers/designers/whathaveyou.)
To be fair, the author was appropriately horrified at the percentage of faculty being on this model, as well as at how low it could go. I’m not sure I think the Tweet is funny, mostly because it’s lacking a certain bragadoccio…but wrist-slittingly funy is one of my favorite varieties. Big Bad Santa fan.
Adjuncts in my area make about 1,500 per semester–so not worth the effort.
Well, you hit the nail on the head there. The money is ridiculous. I (academic) was just recently invited to be on the board of a journal, yippee. That means I’d vet all the submissions in this one subject area and would get to ‘shape the discourse’. This great honor is, of course, unremunerated, so I politely declined. I’ve got enough work to do as it is.
Good on you — this is what needs to happen more often, the rejection of unremunerated honors!
I’m with you on happy hour.
I was once corresponding with an eminent non-fiction writer about spending a week in residence in my department. We were offering $2.5K (for four or five days); he countered that a week of his time would cost $15K; he didn’t want to be “a swell,” but said that he got so many requests to do things that he had to price himself high enough that he still had time to write. More power to him. On the other hand a less famous but widely published writer was happy to come for what we could offer and said at the end that we should have worked him harder.
I’m all for putting a reasonable value on one’s time, but I don’t think everything should be sliced and diced and assessed to the point where academics are counting their billable hours like attorneys. Those of us who have tenured jobs and the associated salaries are expected to earn that not only by teaching and publishing but also by contributing to the profession. I agreed to be on an editorial board despite the fact that it pays nothing because I want to pay forward the help I’ve gotten from editors and readers in the past. After all, even lawyers are expected to do a little pro bono work from time to time.
I stand firm on the billable hours; ‘giving back to the community’ is all well and good, but I don’t think it’s done much for the profession. See Notorious’s comment on market value…
So where do you draw the line? Do you bill a student when you write a recommendation for them?
I make a firm distinction between adjuncts and lecturers, who are paid only to teach (unless their contract says otherwise), and tenure-system faculty whose contractual obligations include institutional and professional service. As one of the latter, I figure that a reasonable amount of service work is what my employer already pays me to do. If the New York Times wanted me to write an article, they’d better pay me for it. But when Times science writer Carl Zimmer emailed me last year with a few questions about Renaissance zoology, I was happy to give him a few minutes of my time gratis–in exchange for crediting me and the institution that’s paying me.
Of course, I have also been practicing this line: “Sure, I could do that, but I’m already committed full time. What of my other activities do you want me to give up in order to do this new one?” I recommend it to anyone who is overburdened by service.
Of course you wouldn’t bill the student, you’d bill the school — presumably they’d still enjoy being the middle manager and adding something to the bill, too. And re: contracts, nope, again, if it’s not in there, you get to bill extra for it; if you’d prefer, write in X number of hours service work in there an bill overtime (that’d take care of frivolous meetings, ha)
Now, of course even if you have the right to bill for your services, you don’t have to do so, so if you’re feeling generous by all means don’t. There’s your loophole. All I’m saying is that the current default (i.e. NOT getting paid) ain’t working out so well.
Brian,
The point put simply: if the teaching is moving away from an august and protected institution toward the business model, the professors have every right and expectation to follow suit and maximize their value while looking out for their own interests.
Funny, mainly because I wish I could do it. It’s all relative, though: my refusal to teach a an extra semester/summer course for anything less than 15% of my total salary is a product of the fact that I *have* a total salary.
The important thing here seems to be to know your own market value, and only take less in very special circumstances.
Ah, escapism is a big thing in comedy (think House, what we all wish we could all do sometimes!). I agree, the market value is key, and it’s worrisome to see how low it’s been driven.
Definitely funny.
The yea’s have it, ha!
Gallows humor.
From whom? BSA is doing pretty well, I think, and I don’t think he was making any of it up…now, on the teaching side, yes, definitely!
Definitely funny. In the same way that Eastbound & Down, Bad Santa, or I’m Alan Partridge are funny. Wrist-slittingly is an apt term.
I realized that you very frequently make the point that society views academics as somehow not needing to be paid for their work. But it’s a point that needs to be made and remade, and so I’m glad you do that. I think that if academics and educators are treated like they’re doing god’s work, they should be treated like clergy in other ways, too- ie they should be taken care of to a point where they won’t be homeless.
but until that changes, the bleakness of this situation is hilarious.
I kind of think so too…but some people don’t seem to agree. Judging from the comments, I guess we’re kind of all on the same page.
5K is pretty laughable. I’m glad that once I finally get full time I’ll at least be in a union that guarantees a pretty decent standard wage for teaching. Though considering how much of my time I’ll be giving over to my job…we’ll see how I feel about the level of pay then.
There’s been a lot of debates lately in my area about the wages of teachers – with people saying “OK pay them an hourly wage, they make too much.” So someone went and worked it out based on an hourly wage and based on the number of kids per class, plus the hours for prep/marking. Sufficed to say if they used that scale teachers would be paid in the neighbourhood of 100K plus.
Yeah, I approve of that tactic. It’s very easy for people to assume that teaching is merely about showing up and hanging out so I think it’s worth pointing out that a) most teachers work longer hours than average and b) they’re overseeing a large amount of people. As I’ve said before, let’s just have done with it and call it ‘manager/CEO’.
Hysterical in that makes-you-wanna-cry-way. But I do love his attitude. After dealing with a departmental secretary who doesn’t get academics and doesn’t think we should be paid for the weekdays when we’re not on campus (or even the hours of the days when we’re not in the classroom), there have been many times throughout my GTA-ship when I’ve grumbled to myself, “Bitch, please. If you were to actually pay us the number of hours we do real work, you wouldn’t be able to afford us.” All the more reason I’m enticed to jump ship. I’ve come to realize that I really like money. All these years living below the poverty line have really blown.
It’s funny because it’s true.
I was just asked to present at a session for this summer’s faculty institute. I’m conflicted because the pay is so low, but you’ve gotta take some of these gigs to build up momentum towards others. I don’t even care about the academic advantages; I just want anything that’ll help me as an author going forward. Hard to imagine back to when someone like Stephen King was teaching creative writing at a college.
You have amazing posts! I’ve truly enjoyed every one of them. With that said…
Congratulations! I just awarded you with the Versatile Blogger Award (it’s a fun little award passed around within the blogging community). Here’s the shortlink: http://wp.me/p15O7Y-8x.
I look forward to the many great posts to come!
I have never been under the impression that teaching was a well-paid career. But… $5k… for… what, precisely?